Shag Now or Shag Later
by PassionatelyHiddlestoned
Summary: What if Tom Hiddleston was Austin Powers? You, an agent working for the CIA, get paired up with the charming and deadly sexy T Hiddy to defeat the evil Dr. Loki and his minions. Can you two save the world and still save time for later?


**Somewhere, in London...**

You squint, scanning the club you're at. You were sent with a purpose: watch out for any of the evil Dr. Loki's minions, and report them back to intelligence.

You look around the room in a subtle manner, keeping an eye on the people. Then, out of nowhere, a bright light flashes and a rainbow-coloured car appears in the middle of the dance floor. Everyone makes way, and starts to dance again around it.

You raise an eyebrow, curious to see who the driver is. Suddenly, the door swings open, and out steps a psychedelically dressed man, looks about your age. You feel a slight smile playing at the edge of your lips. This must be the man intelligence sent to work with you.

But he's never met you before, so he doesn't know what you look like. You grin. Time to have a little fun.

You lift your leg from its wrap around position on the banister, and walk the twisted staircase. You watch him like a hawk, as he dances his way enthusiastically through the crowd. He makes eyes at every woman, but when his eyes lay to rest on you, dressed in your skin tight jumpsuit, he stops.

There's something in him that compels him to come to you, and you walk up to him. He grins a brilliant white smile, and comes over to you, taking your hand and twirling you to the music.

"What's your name, baby?" he asks promiscuously, British accent drawling. "y/n." "Well, y/n, you're looking VERY SHAGADELLIC, baby, yeah!" he laughs.

You dance up close to him, and smile. "Thanks. You don't look too bad yourself." He was dressed in a black tux with a red tie, and his wavy light brown hair was combed back into a ruffle. His pants were extremely tight, but you had to admit, they were quite complimentary. He stares at you, scrunching up his nose playfully and barking like a dog.

"I'm Hiddleston. Tom Hiddleston," he says, licking his lips as you shake your butt. "_Pleasure_ to meet you, Tom," you say, and he winks. "You haven't had the pleasure yet, baby. We just met!" You both laugh.

"I have a question for you, y/n." he dips you dramatically. "DO I MAKE YOU HORNY BABY, DO I?!" You keep dancing as you laugh. "You can start by buying me a drink." He whistles, and pulls your body close to his as you two groove to the beat.

Suddenly, another woman with short blonde curls interjects, and steals Tom away. He looks between you two, desperate to get back. He stares at you pleadingly, but the other woman moves in front of him. "Hello. I'm Zelda. Zelda Fitzgerald," she said with a southern accent.

He half smiles at her. "Very shagadellic name, baby." She smiles back. "So… are you here on a mission?" she asks, biting her lip. "Cause I am." "Well, as a matter of fact, I am. I don't know if you've heard of me," he says, trying to seem modest but failing, "I'm Tom Hiddleston, international Man of Mystery."

"Oh, I've heard of you, Mr. Hiddleston," she says as she dances close to him.

You've had enough. It was getting serious now. No more fun and games. You grab Tom's arm, and pull him away into private. "You better play it cool," you whisper, "Your little friend's working for Dr. Loki." He turns. "And just who do you work for, baby?" he asks playfully.

"The same organization you do. Hello, partner." He smiles. "I feel honoured to work with such a smashing dazzle like you." His charming compliments really get to you, and you feel your heart flutter. But you push your feelings aside. "We have to take care of things."

He stops, and nods sharply, then reconsiders. "Let's ditch this bash, and go back to my pad, shall we?" he asks, grinning. "Not yet," you persist, "We've got to take care of Dr. Loki."

He pouts, but understandingly sighs. "Alright, baby. Let's hit it!" he begins to get into his car, when suddenly, Zelda comes over. "Stop!" she says to him, and Tom panics, looking to you. You roll your eyes, and step in front of her.

"Problem?" you ask, raising an eyebrow sassily. She crosses her arms. "Yeah, there is a problem, girly. He 'aint goin' no where!" she says, taking out a gun.

"STAND BACK!" you shout, moving all the dancers away. "Put the gun down, and let us leave before people get hurt." She shakes her head. "He stays, and comes with me."

You sigh. "Okay, if that's how you wanna play it."

Before Zelda can react, you're already in the air, doing a double twist flip, and you kick the gun out of her hand. It goes off, breaking a window in Tom's car, and he pops his head out in distress. You would have laughed at his expression, if you weren't currently beating a dangerous evil agent up.

You wrap your ankles around her neck, and flip her onto the ground, and you give her one last punch in the face before she gives up. You snap on some handcuffs, but just leave her. The cops will come.

You jump in the car quickly and Tom skids away before Zelda can change her mind, and you speed out onto the highway.

Tom looks at you as he drives, and you look at him. "You're one groovy baby…baby!" he says, and you two high five.

* * *

**Somewhere, in Palm Springs**…..

Dr. Loki grins evilly, pinky finger positioned at the corner of his mouth.

"Hello, everyone," he says to his prime minions sitting at the table. "I'm back."

"Hello, El Doctor, how was Asgard?" "Asgard was hell, as usual, Frau." She shuts her mouth, and nods.

He starts pacing around the table, and looks around at everyone. He stares disdainfully at Mini-Thor, who sat in a chair made high for him. His assistant, Eric Selvig, or in other words, Number 2, had had the idea to clone Loki, which immediately delighted him, but it turns out they used the wrong DNA, accidentally replicating his brother, Thor.

And if Thor wasn't annoying enough, they accidentally made him one eighth his size. So, now, Loki had to deal with a tiny heroic imbecile, as well as plot world domination. Did he have to do everything?!

But at least the clone couldn't talk… thought Loki. Its frequent barbaric grunting was quite irritating though….

Loki redirects his thoughts. "Shame what happened to Zelda, eh? She was the only good looking one on this whole team…" he looks around. "So! What do we have today for plans?" Number 2 speaks up. "Well, sir, since our last evil plan was foiled by Tom Hiddleston- " Loki grits his teeth at the sound of his arch nemesis's name. "Hiddleston. He is too dreadfully cheerful, I tell you. It's not natural how bloody cheerful that man is!"

"He does have a way with the ladies, though," points out Frau, to which Loki growls fiercely. "SO DO I, Frau. But I'm too damn evil, no one wants me!" Mini-Thor begins to laugh, and Loki kicks him into silence.

"As I was saying," continues Number Two, "I've formulated a plan to brainwash every guest at the Hot Springs Hotel here in Palm Springs!" Loki narrows his eyes. "How?" "We have planted a kind of chemical in the pools, so whenever the water comes in contact with someone's skin, they become one of us instantly."

Loki grins. "It's ingenious, Number 2. But it's too smart too say it's yours. That was officially my idea, everyone!" he calls out, and everyone obediently nods. Loki was incredibly, mind-bendingly smart, but he spent most of his time, not plotting like he should be, but fixing his hair and working on his body, to try and rival Hiddleston's looks.

He still couldn't figure out how one man could attract so many women… He had finally, over time, come to the conclusion it was not only his good looks, since Loki definitely had those too, but his sweetly charm, and reputation in love, if you could call it that. But Loki was evil… and proud. He still held on to his motto, "Once you have bad, you never go back," but so far, he hadn't had anyone to share his personal views with. Or anything else for that matter….

Number 2 nodded, and sent some henchmen to get to work on it.

"Soon, the world will be mine, MINE, and no one can stop me… not even… TOM HIDDLESTON!"

He started his trademark evil laugh. "Ehehehehe! Ehehehehe! EHEHEHEHE!" Everyone joined in, and the chorus of evil laughter rang through the air.

* * *

"Move your shoe!" you say playfully as you two crawl through the vents of Dr. Loki's 'secret' hideout lair. It astonishes you that he could even call it secret, with advertisements at the bus stops saying, 'Looking for new Henchmen! Apply today at Dr. Loki's secret evil layer, and you'll have a fulfilling career in mischief and debauchery!"

You laugh to yourself. You've never encountered Loki personally, but you've heard he's quite the trickster.

"Tell me about him," you say to Tom as you two keep crawling. "Well, he's evil…" "Thanks, Mr. Obvious, tell me something I don't know!" "He's done it with a horse," he says matter-of-factly. There's silence for a few seconds. "And you know this how?" "We were drinking buddies in university," he says, and you laugh.

"But do you want to know what I really think?" he asks seriously. "Yes." "I think all he needs is a hug. And possibly even a friend." You smile at Tom's sweetness toward an enemy he's had for years. You admire that about him. He wasn't all looks and sexy talk, (even though he did that quite well,) He also had a heart.

You finally got over top of the room you wanted to bust, and you both press your ears to the vent, listening to the conversation. They were talking about something like evil pools and the beauty of saunas….

Just then, you feel the vent start to give way, and you grab the top of it, holding it together. You take a deep breath worriedly. "Don't. Move. A Single. Body Part." You whisper. As you struggle to keep the vent from giving out, your top falls a little lower, and Tom looks back at you, noticing this.

Oh no… you think. Suddenly, the area of the vent around the middle of Tom's legs creaks, and the whole thing gives way.

You and him fall directly into the middle of the table, staring around at Dr. Loki and his henchmen. "Well, nice of you to 'drop in,' Hiddleston," Loki smirks. You glare over at Tom for making you fall, but he just blushes and shrugs with a chuckle. "Down boy," he jokes. You can't help but forgive his puppy eyes.

You look up at Loki. He kind of resembles Tom… you think. High cheekbones, perfect nose, thin lush lips…

You break your glance, and rub your back as you get off the table. Tom rubs his crotch, and you stifle a giggle.

"Now that you're here, Hiddleston," continues Loki with an evilly happy grin, "you will finally be foiled by me. ME for once! Ehehehehe! There's nothing you can do about it, too!" That sets the bunch off into a fit of 'Ehehehes,' and you and Tom look at each other, nodding as you share a thought.

"Not so fast, Dr. Loki!" says Tom as you and him both whip out your guns. Loki's smile drops, and he stops laughing.

"Damn," he says, and Mini-Thor laughs again. You both grab Loki and cuff him before he can go at the little guy, and call your organization to come take him away.

As the enforcement agents show up and take Loki and his minions away, you can hear him grumbling to Number 2. "Why don't we have any guns? Or any proper means of defence for that matter?!" he asks. You laugh.

You walk over beside Tom, and he hugs you. "That was brilliant," he says, "We make a shagadellic team, huh baby?" You smirk. "We do. In more ways than one." He laughs. "Oh, behave!" You laugh with him. "Not if I can help it!"

He pulls you into him with his arm around your waist.

"So, what say we take a drive back to my place, and we'll hop on the good foot and do the bad thing, hm?" You grin, and nod. "I look forward to working with you again, Mr. Hiddleston."

He looks you in the eyes. "Oh, you will. I promise you that!" He kisses you, and you take off in the Shaguar back to his pad.

**A/N: What do you think? Should I make a sequel? ;) **


End file.
